The 10 Best James Bond "One-liners"

Photo Credit: Columbia Pictures
March 6th, 2014

James Bond is a character after which a series of movies was made based on books written by Ian Fleming. Bond is British MI6 Agent 007 who embodies modern masculinity, danger and English suave. Here are a few of James Bond's best one-liners.

When it comes to picking out the best James Bond one-liners, there are many movies and different James Bonds from which to choose. Several of the best one-liners come from "Dr. No," the first James Bond movie produced in 1962 featuring a young, suave Sean Connery. In Bond's first foray as Agent 007 (at least in the movies, although "Casino Royale" was the first Bond book), he seeks out answers to the mysterious disappearance of a fellow agent. What he finds is beautiful, helpful Honey Ryder, the first Bond girl, and slightly unhinged Dr. Julius No trying to destroy America's space program.

The first one-liner of note in this movie, and arguably the most popular one hands down, occurs during the introduction of the main character while he is playing poker. A woman, one of the players, asks him his name, and he replies with, "Bond. James Bond." The second best one-liner, also found in this movie is when James Bond asks for a vodka martini "Shaken, not stirred." Another great one-liner comes from the same movie after James Bond seduces Miss Taro, a secretary who turns out to be a double agent. He is at her place and just set up a trap for the villainous Professor Dent. Right before Bond shoots him he says, "That's a Smith & Wesson, and you've had your six."

The next movie with some great James Bond one-liners is "Goldfinger," the third Bond film produced in 1964 also starring Sean Connery. In this movie James Bond is investigating the relatively upfront case of gold smuggling by Auric Goldfinger. However, Bond discovers that there is more afoot than simply smuggling. Apparently Goldfinger is behind the fiendish plot to contaminate the gold in Fort Knox, rendering it unusable for nearly half a century. During this contamination period current gold prices would skyrocket, which would be beneficial for Goldfinger's own supply of gold.

During James Bond's mad dash from Miami to London to Switzerland and back to the United States, he is knocked out and comes to on a private jet, where a woman introduces herself as Pussy Galore. Bond replies with, "I must be dreaming." In this same movie James Bond is having a hand-to-hand fight with a hitman who is trying to kill him. During the battle, Bond manages to throw the man into a tub of water along with a lamp, electrocuting him. He watches the man die and then pulls out the pun, "Shocking. Positively shocking."

Yet another James Bond movie starring Sean Connery, "Thunderball," has some great one-liners. This movie, produced in 1965, is the fourth out of seven movies where Connery plays the intrepid MI6 agent. This time Bond has to recover two nuclear warheads stolen from NATO pilot Francois Derval by SPECTRE agents Angelo and Emilio Largo. Bond goes to the Bahamas to track down the warheads, chased all the while by a third SPECTRE agent, Fiona Volpe. Meanwhile Bond discovers and foils Largo's plan to use the warheads to destroy Miami.

The sixth one-liner of note comes from Bond while he is on the beach with Bond girl Domino Derval, who is the murdered pilot's sister and Largo's mistress. Domino warns Bond that they are being watched and Bond shoots Largo's lackey with a spear gun, saying "I think he got the point."

"Diamonds Are Forever" is the last Bond movie starring Sean Connery with memorable one-liners. This movie takes place in Sin City, Las Vegas, where James Bond traces a diamond-smuggling plot by pretending to be smuggler Peter Franks. At one point during the movie Bond finds himself in an underground pipe after being exposed to sleeping gas. He looks over at a rat and says, "Well, one of us smells like a tart's handkerchief." After sniffing himself, he says, "I'm afraid it's me. Sorry old boy." The eighth one-liner also comes from this movie after Bond and Tiffany Case, a contact, spend the night together. After she tells Bond that she will finish getting dressed, Bond replies, "Oh please, don't. Not on my account."

The other two best one-liners come from the relatively new James Bond movie, "Casino Royale," starring Daniel Craig. In this movie terrorist financier Le Chiffre sets up a high-stakes poker game. Bond buys into the game in an undercover role. At the casino, the barkeep asks Bond if he wants his martini shaken or stirred. He replies with, "Do I look like I give a damn?" Finally, the tenth best one-liner is when Le Chiffre is torturing Bond by whipping his genitals with a rope. Bond says, "Now the whole world will know that you died scratching my balls."

Of course there are other great one-liners, delivered by a multitude of James Bonds, from Sean Connery to Timothy Dalton to Daniel Craig. Enjoy the wit and humor.