Craig's First Take: "One Direction"

Photo Credit: Photo by Courtesy of TriStar Pictures. – © 2013 TriStar Pictures. All Rights Reserved

How was “Supersize Me” director Morgan Spurlock going to frame this “One Direction” documentary? Have them eat McDonalds for a month and then see if their fan base still responds to them? Maybe have them trade places with New Kids on the Block for “30 Days” so they can see what life is going to be like in 20 years? Nope. Unfortunately there is no sign of the experimental documentarian here, this is about as workman-like as it gets.

It chronicles the fast-growing rise of Liam, Niall, Harry, Zayne, and Louis from auditioning for 2010’s British “X-Factor” (a surprise since who knew anyone could get famous off the “X-Factor”?) all the way up to this unnecessary documentary. They’ve been around three years (about the same time The Beatles did “a Hard Days Night”) yet the movie feels longer. They’re seen goofing around backstage, flying all over the world, and on stage during musical performances, which basically prove you have to look this good-looking to pull off songs that are this lame.

The best part of the movie is when their manager Simon Cowell says he can’t seem to figure out their success. I call BS. Just saying he’s exploiting them and the throngs of hormonal teenage girls that make up their entire audience contradicts the movie’s claim that they may just be doing better than The Beatles.

To be fair these guys seem to appreciate where they are and seem good-humored about their luck, even when discussing whether or not all this will last forever. Their parents are also particularly touching, filled with a mix of pride and disappointment that their children are giving them more than their poor middle class background could ever give their children. Also having Chris Rock and Martin Scorsese show up as fans (or more likely their children) also adds to the bands credibility. Plus I’m sure their fans will think it’s the greatest documentary ever.

But I still have no idea who’s who here or any individual characteristic of any one of them. There’s also nothing in here to suggest they’re taking a career in music seriously, or to suggest they can make it when writing love songs to girls 10 years younger than them has grown stale.